Writing to Reclaim Your Essential Gifts From Mark Matousek

The journey of discovering your personal genius begins by exploring the landscape of desire. Desire is the lifeblood of creative life, the fuel that brings our gifts into the world. “What makes the engine go? Desire, desire, desire,” wrote the poet Stanley Kunitz. Unfortunately, many individuals never acknowledge the full force of their true desires nor the life-changing wisdom they carry. Revealing your authentic desires is the first step to accessing personal genius.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• Desire is the lifeblood of creativity; when you acknowledge your desires and connect to the power inherent in them, you awaken the genius within
• We’re frightened of the power of our own desires, fearful that if we follow them, our carefully controlled lives will be threatened
• Desire is a neutral universal energy (Eros) that can be channeled in positive or negative directions depending on your intention
• Suppressed desire tends to manifest in unskillful ways, including addiction, depression, and dissociation
• Once we acknowledge the force of our desires, we can choose how to respond; we do not need to indulge our desires, necessarily — what matters is that we become conscious of the ENERGY of desire, in order to utilize it with creativity and imagination
• Ambivalence is the enemy of desire and the thief of personal genius; it leaches us of energy and puts us at cross-purposes with ourselves — by exposing what we’re afraid (and ashamed) of, we resolve ambivalence and increase productivity and joy

To fully connect with personal genius, it’s necessary to explore the shadow, that off-limits part of the psyche where we conceal aspects of ourselves that threaten the “authorized version” — the status quo — of what we want to the world to see. Taught to conform, behave, avoid risk, and not stand out from the crowd, we bury (all too often) our originality, uniqueness, passion, and non-conformism in the shadow, along with our gifts. As Buckminster Fuller put it, “Everyone is born a genius but the process of living de-geniuses us.” The shadow is where we store this disowned power.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• The shadow is that unacknowledged, off-limits, taboo part of the psyche where we conceal things (both positive and negative) that cause us discomfort
• In order to earn acceptance and love, to be part of the group (the inner circle), and avoid alienating our caretakers and those whose opinions we value, we tend to hide our gifts in the shadow
• We’re taught from an early age to conform, obey, behave, and conceal what is most original and risky within us
• You cannot know yourself, fully, nor gain access to your authentic power, without exploring the personal shadow; this is enormously rewarding and allows you to reclaim your disowned and discarded parts
• Acknowledging the gifts of the shadow increases courage, heals shame, and connects you to your core strengths
• This reclamation of our neglected originality and power is our coming-of-age as creative people on a path of awakening — “You do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious,” wrote Carl Jung

Acknowledging your gifts and learning to trust them are different. Like love, genius isn’t something you choose; instead it chooses you, and accepting what you’re born with is the next crucial step in self-realization. Many people reject their genius (just as many people reject love) when it doesn’t fit their ideal of what the gift should look like. When you betray the truth of who you are (and what you’re born with), you miss the opportunity to become your most authentic self, and bring what’s within you into the open. As with any spiritual practice, awakening genius (like loving another) requires both trust and surrender.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• We’re often surprised by the contents of the shadow and what actually inspires us, which may contradict the image we present to the world (and, even, the person we want to be)
• It requires patience and wisdom to accept your gifts, which may not be the ones you might have chosen (if you were God) — in the same way that you can’t choose who you love, you cannot choose your native gifts
• When given the gifts of shadow, we may react in negative ways; we may attempt to deny what we have seen, but attempting to do so is futile and destructive — prime examples of this are sexuality (which, when closeted, turns toxic) and vocational aptitude (which may not align with personal will), e.g. a poet who longs to write the Great American Novel
• Learning to accept and trust your authentic gifts requires humility, flexibility, and imagination
• You gain enormous energy through this acceptance, like finding the socket of your original light switch — suddenly, your inner world is illuminated, allowing for insight and self-knowledge in all areas of your life
• By leaning into your natural affinities (gifts) and surrendering to a power greater than yourself, you connect to veriditas, the greening, animating, energizing force that animates the entire universe (including yourself)

Once you’ve learned to accept the gift, the next step is manifestation: the art of bringing your genius to life. For this to happen, you must learn to make conscious choices that align with your truest intentions. When you master the art of choosing well, understanding that every choice determines what matters to you and what doesn’t, you come to see that a gifted, inspired life depends on the ability to say YES to what liberates and empowers you, and NO to what keeps you stuck and afraid. Each time you do this, you strengthen your ability to focus on freedom, and the joy that comes with a creative life.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• Once you learn to accept the gift, the challenge is: How do you manifest your genius in your life? How to bring forth what is within you? A gift unshared is a waste of magic, a masking of beauty, a missed opportunity to connect with others
• Intention is the channel we create to guide our genius into the world. Intention — and her emotional sibling, commitment — are necessary for self-actualization
• Intention is honed through personal choice; your choices are the building blocks of personal meaning — with every choice you make, you decide what matters to you and what doesn’t
• When we choose to open, we stop shutting down; when we choose to risk, we cease shrinking from power; when we choose to embody our gifts fully, we grow in emotional and spiritual stature
• Goal-setting is not the same as intention-setting; though valuable, goals are achievement-specific and can sometimes interfere with our true intentions — for example, if your intention is to be your most original, courageous self, but your goal is to be admired and popular, these motivations may cancel one another out
• The intention to “live your genius” will focus your choices and relieve conflict and stress in your life

You cannot enter the state of flow without first learning to focus. Many gifted people never succeed in finding their path for lack of one-pointed attention, the inability to stick with their best intentions. Distraction, ambivalence, resistance, uncertainty — all forms of confusion — deplete your resolve and the energy required to live as a gifted person. Personal genius (like love) does not come for free; it requires faith and diligence, and the willingness to drop bad habits that interfere with personal growth. Fortunately, there are tools for strengthening focus and flow that can help you on your chosen path.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• Creativity requires focus; without one-pointed attention, you cannot manifest your gifts in the world
• Focus requires discipline, not self-tyranny; when you use discipline as an ally (a disciple follows her or his teacher or tradition out of love), and develop a zero-tolerance policy toward self-bullying, you align with the “teacher within”
• Using one-pointed attention, you can learn to say no to distraction and the saboteurs of ambivalence; you can then abandon the myth of multitasking and conquer the habits of trying to do too much at the same time
• Focus creates a sacred space within which manifestation can occur — a refuge for the creative spirit, just as one-pointed attention allows meditation to occur during practice
• With focus comes the state of flow, a blessed state of union with personal genius, when time seems to stop and we’re aware of being exactly where we’re meant to be; this brings ease to the mind and opens the channel(s) of possibility
• Flow is identical to presence, the unified state of being that is the aim of all spiritual practices

Playfulness is one of the powerful tools that can help you strengthen focus and flow, though you’re rarely encouraged to cultivate it. Without play, there’s no freedom to push the envelope, experiment with fresh ideas, open new doors (that both scare and excite you), or risk the possibility of failure. Without failure, there can be no growth; without entering unknown territory, mastering the art of “not knowing,” a creative life is impossible. Through the power of play, you learn to transcend the limits of know-it-all mind (the enemy of inspiration and rebirth) and enter into the mystery of all that has yet to be revealed.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• By connecting to presence, and allowing your gifts to emerge, you can rediscover the power of play to liberate and nourish you
• Play counteracts the confining nature of ego and frees you to be childlike in how you relate to your gifts, and to other people
• When you learn to play, you heal the child within who may have been silenced too young, and so lived with regret or a sense of being ignored or invisible
• Play gives you access to intuition and the powers of right-brain (irrational) creativity; you come to see that “making sense” has its limits. Logic can be a straitjacket when you lean on it too heavily. “We are poor, indeed, if we are only sane,” wrote the psychologist D. W. Winnicott
• Play also frees you to investigate areas of life, and yourself, that are too threatening to the defensive, grown-up ego-mind — you cease taking yourself so seriously, which paradoxically makes you more formidable
• Play helps you transcend fixed, conventional boundaries, false dualities (and oppositions) that lock us into lives of excessive caution — you learn “risk is extra life”

Uncovering your unique gifts is a spiritual homecoming. Recognizing the voice of your genius, the wisdom messages of your personal muse, connects you to the roots of existence, your very reasons for being alive. Thus grounded in personal meaning and power, linked intimately to your own true nature, your life is transformed from one of confusion, frustration, wandering, and struggle to a life of clarity, comfort, and joy. Having revealed and accepted your gifts, you’re no longer a stranger to yourself. You’ve learned to live like an artist, to bless the creative spirit inside you, to choose “the road less traveled,” knowing that wherever it leads you, that is exactly where you belong.

In this module, you’ll discover that:

• Accessing personal genius is like coming home to yourself, and rediscovering the source of your own being
• When you feel at home in the world, life becomes friendlier and more hospitable; the grief of separation (from yourself, others, God) comes to an end
• In the light of homecoming, shame and envy have no place; you feel sufficient just as you are, which brings a new kind of peace
• Connected to your desires and inspiration, you move toward growth and efflorescence, discovery, and surprise; you’re no longer frightened by “not knowing” and recognize mystery as your greatest ally
• You no longer silence the truth within; instead, you learn to be more honest, forgiving, and tolerant toward your own contradictions. You see that you’re “many voices” brought together in one house. “Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes,” wrote Walt Whitman
• Making room for your own complexity, allowing your “chorus of selves” to unite, you become a force of truth in the world, helping others to recognize their own chorus and grow into their own blessed fullness